Being alone and being lonely are two different things.
One can feel lonely in a room full of people. Loneliness is a
negative response to events in one’s life. It is an emotional
state, and it usually implies being unhappy, passive and
impotent. Being alone, on the other hand, does not have these
negative implications because it is a statement of fact. There
are many single parent families today. How they respond to being
alone in raising their children not only affects them but also
affects their children.
If you are a single parent you need to be cautious about not
making your children feel responsible and guilty for your feeling
of loneliness. You also need to prepare yourself for your
children’s eventual need and desire to leave home for college or
to start their own lives. One way to do this is to start by
taking charge of your own life and to begin to develop interests
and hobbies of your own while your children are still at home.
The most negative aspect of the sense of loneliness is
the feeling of loss of control over one’s life. People may
choose to be alone, but most try very hard not to feel lonely.
Everybody has experienced loneliness. It does not have to be
described. Most people, however, have learned how to live their
lives so that these feelings of loneliness are fleeting and not a
permanent part of their existence. Otherwise life would be too
sad. Everyone has a right to some joy in life.
It is important to know that one has a choice whether or not
to feel lonely. Nobody can make you be lonely if you choose not
to be. By the same token, it is wrong to make it someone else’s
problem if you choose to feel lonely. You do have it within your
power to change yourself.
One of the best way to start making the change is to
start taking charge of your life. This makes you less passive
and less the victim. It energizes you. Start by deciding that
nobody in the business world is going to take advantage of you.
Before you take your car into the auto mechanic, read a book like
“Mr. Bad-Wrench” which tells you how to deal with the mechanic.
Learn how to ask the right questions and demand to be taken
seriously. The next time you go to the doctor, learn to ask the
questions that make you a part of the decision process. Try
reading a book like “Second Opinion” so that you know what
questions to ask. It even gets to be fun after awhile learning
how to repair something around the house yourself after someone
tells you you need to buy a new one.
It helps to get involved in activities where there are
other people. Avoid people who are always talking doom and
gloom. Rather, try to find people or just one person who enjoys
your company and does not use you only for their own consolation.
Another idea is to practice being alone. You may be more
fearful than you need to be about this. Try it and you might
find you have more resources at your disposal than you thought.
For example, try planning a trip by yourself. You might begin by �
going to Washington, Boston or New York or Atlantic City for a
Seek out and use your resources. If you continue to
feel lonely in spite of your efforts to change, you may have a
physical problem. Be sure to check this out. Remember that
loneliness comes to everyone at some time in their lives. When
it comes, it does not mean that you have something intrinsically
wrong with you. Look upon it as a problem to be solved. Above
all, love and encourage yourself. You have a right to be here
and to experience love and joy. Seek it out and it will be there for you.