April is sometimes designated the Cruelest Month because this is the season when students learn how successful they were at playing the college admission game. Students get into many fine colleges but many still feel a sense of failure when they do not get into the college of their first choice.
They need to be reminded that no matter where they go, they get out of college what they put into it.
Parents will have to help their children deal with rejection at this time. Research shows that most college students are very happy with the college they eventually attend even though, in most cases, it is not the college of their first choice. They may not feel this way immediately since many students have difficulty adjusting the first year. In most cases, this would happen no matter what college they attend. This phenomena is not a function of the college, but a function of freshmen in general.< They might feel, however, that the grass is greener on the other campus and they would be doing much better if only they had gotten into the other college. This is usually not so.
Parents need to encourage their children to remain in whatever college they are attending for at least two years.
Keep encouraging them. Respond to the emotion expressed, not the content.
It usually does not help to give logical explanations about why the college they attend is right for them.
Sentences like: "This college has an outstanding faculty." "Just look at all of the books in the library." Or even, "The football team is the best in the nation."
They really cannot be convinced rationally. The best approach is to respond to the emotion by saying, "It's hard, but I think you can do it." I have confidence in you." " I know you are going through a tough time." " Let's talk about it."
It may be difficult for some parents to be sympathetic to their child's disappointment because they are disappointed too. Their prestige may have been so involved in having a successful Harvard graduate in the family, that they cannot hide their disappointment even for their child's sake. It is even more difficult for those families in which one or both parents were, in fact, Harvard graduates. These parents need to exercise extreme caution.
They need to believe and to convince their child that education is not so much about other people do, it is about what the student does.
Students may be helped to realize that it is sometimes easier to transfer to the college of their original choice as juniors than to be admitted as freshmen. The reason is that many students do not survive the first two years and drop out, leaving room for others. Students, who do well in their first two years of college, are usually acceptable to other colleges because of their proven track record.
Also, students usually do not choose a major or begin intense work in their major field until their junior year.
Many students do not know what they want to major in as freshmen so may not choose the college best suited for them. They sometimes can make wiser choices as juniors. They can choose the college which has the strongest department for their major. This is a great advantage since few colleges are strong in all departments no matter how great their reputation.
All of these thoughts may help students deal with rejection better but in the final analysis what will help the most is the support, sympathy and encouragement of their families. Do not let them down.
First published in 1998
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