The lazy, hazy days of summer are here--or are they? Somehow we even have managed to make summer an anxious time for ourselves and for our children. In former times, before air conditioning that is, high humidity left us with no other choice but to just loll around, dreaming the summer away. Now, we can keep just as active in the summer as we are every other season of the year. While we may survive the anxiety connected with over- programming, our children do not fare so well. They are becoming more and more anxious. During the school year children become anxious about many things. The following is just a short list. Will they miss the bus and be so late that they fail the test? Will their parents reject them if they fail the test? Will they have time to get all of their homework done and still be able to play soccer? Will the other kids hate them if they do not have time to practice and they miss the winning goal?
Will their parents still love them if they are not accepted by the most important peer group in the school? Will their siblings do so much better in school and sports that their efforts are disregarded?
Will they ever get into the gifted and talented program that all of their relatives are in? Will their parents get a divorce if they are failures in school? Will they ever learn to play the piano well enough to make their parents proud of them?
Summer does not need to be programmed. It is okay to sleep until ten and maybe take another nap at three.
The list goes on and on. Many of these concerns are legitimate and can cause anxiety in children.
Some children manage to keep these anxieties in perspective and are able to function in spite of them.
Other children, because of their unique personalities and temperaments, become over-anxious and are unable to function well or give up and cease to function at all. These children need support and summertime is a good time for parents to start helping them. The first thing to do is to bring back the lazy, hazy, loll- around days of summer. Summer does not need to be programmed. It is okay to sleep until ten and maybe take another nap at three.
This advice holds true for adults as well as children. When children observe that adults know how to relax, they can give themselves permission to do the same.
Of course, those adults who cannot function without their laptops and cellular phones will never be able to model how to relax for their children.
Their children are going to continue to be just as anxious as they are. For all of their children's sake but especially for their over-anxious child's sake, these adults need to remove their laptops and cellular phones from the house this summer.
They might be surprised to learn that the world continues to function in spite of their inability to be in constant touch. During this lazy summer, parents will have more time available just to be with their children. This time does not have to be programmed with trips to festivals, camps, or amusement parks.
The time can be spent by the whole family taking one maybe two hours instead of fifteen minutes to prepare and to eat a meal. It can be spent just walking in the cool woods and talking about "stuff". Some parents need to reminded that this time will never come again. Grab it while you can. Over-anxious children are rarely helped by being told that they should not be anxious. In many cases their fears are not rational but they are real to the children.
One solution, especially for those parents who feel lost without some formal programming for their children, might be to sign them up for a course in relaxation techniques. Perhaps the whole family could take a course in meditation and yoga this summer. Why not?
It will be more relaxing than taking that hot car trip to Disneyland or wherever and the benefits will remain long after the summer is over.
First published in 1996
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